MatingCallers.com:
Beautiful Black Singles with a Midwest Flavor
In an exclusive interview with Stacée Hardiman, Family
Therapist, Relationship Expert, and Co-Founder of
MatingCallers.com, Erotic Expressions gets the details
on the creative side of the online dating business.
EE.net: Hello Stacée. Thank you for
taking the time to talk about MatingCallers.com. Have a
seat, let’s get started.
S. Hardiman: My pleasure Gary. Thank you for having me.
EE.net:
Online dating services have become one of the most
profitable business ventures on the Internet. More
people are online and as a result, more people are
choosing to meet new people online. In fact, some
online dating businesses have millions of members in
their databases.
What prompted you to launch
MatingCallers.com?
Hardiman:
I was single at the time and decided to try some of the
more notable or “big fish” dating services. As a result
I met some very interesting people, some of whom I
consider to be friends. I love studying people.
Discussing my Internet dating experiences with other
online users gave me great insights into people and
their relationships. Shortly thereafter, I began
envisioning a service that would cater to the needs and
desires being expressed by the people that I interacted
with. I believed that I could build a “better
mousetrap,” and
MatingCallers.com was
born.
EE.net:
What were some of the things that you were hearing from
people online?
Hardiman:
Mind you, what about to say is based on my
observations. Men
consistently said that women who didn’t match what they
were looking for were bombarding them. Some men felt
that the women either didn’t read their profile or just
felt that they would take their chances and make a
connection. This decreased the “shelf life” of male
members, many of whom would get frustrated, overworked,
or guilt ridden from not responding to women who they
know weren’t their type.
On the
other side, some women complained about men being too
persistent. I also found that a lot of women want more
information about the men. They feel that the profiles
just don’t give you a good sense of the guys. Also,
“showing, not telling” is important.
EE.net:
What does that mean?
Hardiman:
It means that most people like to see a photo of the
person as part of the profile.
That’s
the reason we have a quote on our site that reads: “The
appeal is being real.” The belief is that a picture
reveals more about someone than a simple description.
EE.net:
I agree with that. I think pictures are important,
especially, if they are recent pictures. Some of these
folks are posting photos that are 10-20 years old.
Stacée, there are hundreds, maybe thousands of online
dating services. What makes MatingCallers.com
different?
Hardiman:
That’s easy! It’s the experience! We work very hard to
ensure that our members have a pleasant experience. Our
site is visually stimulating and easy to navigate. We
want our members to have a unique experience and not
feel as if they are wasting their time. We understand
that people have a choice and that we’re not the only
game in town, so we work hard at making sure that the
dating experience on MatingCallers.com has a magical
feel to it. We don’t want people to feel like they’re
out shopping. The focus is not on the “hook up” as much
as it is on keeping the magic alive.
EE.net:
OK, keeping the magic alive. Tell me some more.
Hardiman: MatingCallers.com is not
just about online dating. Many people use online dating
as a way to enlarge their circle of friends or to locate
pen pals. Thousands of people have joined the site;
some just for a
Date, some are seeking
Friends
and others go on to meet a
Mate,
and start a relationship.
EE.net: Isn’t that phrase one of your
slogans?
Hardiman:
Yeah, you caught that huh.
EE.net: I do my homework. What else do
folks do online?
Hardiman:
There are a lot of people online who for a variety of
reasons find themselves alone and simply looking for the
right person to connect with. MatingCallers.com opens
the web to find a
Date,
a Friend,
or Mate
all in one location. Online dating can provide the
answer; sometimes it takes a while, but it can also be
very quick and exciting!
EE.net:
What about safety?
Hardiman:
What do you mean? Are you asking if online dating is
safe?
EE.net:
Yep.
Hardiman:
I’m actually glad that you asked that question. I think
there is a huge misperception that needs to be cleared
up. Overall, I think online dating is safe. However,
you have to use caution just as if you had met some
guy/lady that night at a bar.
The fact is that online dating is a thousand times
safer than most of the alternatives.
This may be an extreme comparison. Which is safer?
Cruising bars or exchanging emails with someone?
EE.net: Well,
when you put it that way, cruising the Internet is
safer. Does
MatingCallers have any
policies or recommendations on safety? In other words,
if a member goes out to meet someone, does the site have
any safety tips?
Hardiman:
Yes. First of all, we encourage people to use good ol’
fashion common sense. It's never safe to be alone with
a stranger. When meeting someone for the first time,
you should always meet in a public place. This will
help you get to know the person better. Also, try
checking in with your family and friends regularly if
you decide to meet someone new. This way you're safe
and your loved ones know where you are at all times.
Also, always remember; never give out your personal
information (i.e., number and/or address) when first
getting to know a person. No matter what your
intentions are, you should always take precautions in
order to protect yourself.
EE.net:
Do you have tips for those folks who are looking for
love online, i.e., profiles of people to avoid, other
precautions?
Hardiman:
Definitely. First of all, if someone is too vague in
their profile it could mean that they are trying to hide
something. Also, if there are no pictures in their
profile, don't be embarrassed to ask for a “current”
photo. You should also be concerned about too much
information as well. Go with your gut feeling -- if
something feels uncomfortable or seems odd, it's
probably for a good reason.
I
believe that the ideal situation is one that develops at
a comfortable or natural pace. Always try to meet in
public and during daylight hours when you decide to meet
for the first time. Also, women should plan to meet at
the destination -- do not let him pick you up at your
home. Love happens when you least expect it. Although
you may get instant results, it may also take a while to
meet the right person. It’s like tossing your message
in a bottle out to sea. You never know when the right
person will find it. That’s part of the magic.
EE.net:
I have several friends who have done online dating. They
are frustrated because they meet people who are
disappointing. So they think that they got hooked up
with a loser. Some have stopped dating online because
they are sick of meeting jerks or gold diggers. What
advice do you have for them?
Hardiman:
I would suggest that your friends try taking another
look at their profile. They should consider including
things about what you're
“not”
looking for in a person, as well as what you are
looking for. Dating in general is trial and error --
whether it's online or not. Part of the dating process
is about finding out what you want and don't want.
Dating actually helps you get closer to your ideal
mate.
As
for how long – well that’s different for every person.
It can be a couple of weeks or a couple of months,
depending on how you feel about your progress. I can
tell you this, as a family therapist and relationship
expert, it is my experience that those who go into the
dating world (live or online) should do so with the
clear understanding that they are “whole and complete”
with or without a mate. Release the anxiety of finding
perfection outside of self – know that is okay to be
“okay” alone.
EE.net:
When building a profile,
one
thing I’ve heard is the importance of capturing a
reader's attention within the first 15 seconds. This
sounds like you’re making an infomercial. How do you do
this?
Hardiman:
Well, the key to is to write a profile that stands out
from the crowd. It’s just that simple. Everyone dating
online should take a moment to put themselves in the
shoes of the people who may read their ad. They’ve read
many profiles prior to seeing yours.
Avoid negative phrases in your profile. Negative
sentences can play against you.
EE.net:
Give me an example of what you mean by negative.
Hardiman:
I mean words and phrases that will not necessarily draw
positive people to your profile.
For example,. "I don't want players” is a negative
statement that really means, “I want someone serious.”
See how positive that interaction was? One of the worst
lines I've seen was,
"I'm tired of dating the bad ones!" What does that tell
you about someone?
Think about it. People have to learn to read
between the lines.
You
will increase your chances of success by having an
intriguing headline, a nice picture and a compelling
lead-in sentence? Are you being REAL? As all online
daters know, the “Delete” key is very easy to
reach for when it comes to unappealing e-mail and
profiles. Keep it simple, “The Appeal is Being Real.”
EE.net:
When you
look at profile pictures that people put online, what
are some of the general problems that you see with these
everyday photos?
Hardiman:
I know
it has been said to death, but again: Post a photo of
yourself! Let's face it, at some point we (and you) all
want to know what the person we are corresponding with
looks like. If you think someone will step away from
you because of your looks, then do yourself a favor by
sorting out those shallow people in advance by posting
your photo!
There
are numerous problems that I spot with everyday photos.
One of the biggest problems is posting photos that are
10 years old. Hello? May we have a current photo
please? Or the pics that are taken too far away from
the person, so you can’t really see their face or
figure.
EE.net:
What has been the biggest challenge so far in operating
MatingCallers.com?
Hardiman:
Trying to satisfy everyone’s needs are the most
challenging part of running
MatingCallers.com.
Every opinion has value and every need or problem
deserves attention. We want MatingCallers.com to be
simple and uncluttered, yet we get tons of suggestions
for new features. A lot of care and thought goes into
any implementation that we do.
EE.net:
Taking a look at the opposite side of the spectrum, what
is the most rewarding part of running Mating Callers?
Hardiman:
Making an active decision to help others feel more
connected. Providing the guidance to help people find
each other, whether it is for the sake of friendship,
community, or romance, warms the depth of my heart.
Truly.
EE.net:
Okay – it sounds all good, but what’s the cost?
Hardiman:
Well, right now, MatingCallers.com is running a
“SPECIAL.” We’re giving “All Access Full Gold
Membership for Free. After the special, membership
packages start as low as $9.95 a month; while some of
those “big fish” services are between $20.00 - $40.00 a
month.
EE.net:
What keeps your prices low?
Hardiman:
We are very efficient in how we do things. We also
benefit from being a private company. We are
self-funded so there is no external pressure. It may be
hard to believe, but making money is less of a concern
than providing a good experience for people.
EE.net:
I believe you. What tips do you have for users of
MatingCallers to get
the best results?
Hardiman:
Know that part of the experience is sort of “trial and
error.”
You are
likely to meet many people who aren’t what you’re
looking for. This is part of the learning experience.
There is a process of elimination that must take place.
Recognizing what doesn’t work will help you to find out
what does.
Also, enjoy the “elimination process.”
When
someone turns you down, it’s part of the selection
process. Someday, you’ll thank those people (who didn’t
respond) for steering you in the direction towards the
person you were ultimately meant to be with.
Isolation
is Motivation.
It is
natural to have feelings of isolation and loneliness.
You should allow these feelings to motivate you to reach
out to others. Many online daters wait to be contacted
and miss out on wonderful opportunities by isolating
themselves. After completing a profile, introduce
yourself to lots of people and create possibilities.
Relating is key to mating!
People often write vague or dishonest profiles hoping to
attract as many prospects as possible. But when you’re
not being yourself, you attract lots of people who are
looking for something else. Wouldn’t you rather meet a
few people who like you for who you are?
EE.net:
What are some of the future plans you have for Mating
Callers?
Hardiman:
We have released a new section of
Mating Callers that we’re very excited about.
“PillowSession.com”
is geared toward healing African-American
relationships. We believe that the issues with Black
relationships are unique and best serviced by experts
that are familiar with black love.
PillowSession.com provides interactive advice
services for those who want guidance that's private,
affordable, and most of all personalized to fit their
needs. Our unique
Individual Relationship Plan (IRP)
provides specific areas of personal growth and
development that allow patrons to maximize their
potential, not only to their partner, but also for
themselves -- and that's what really matters. You can't
be good to someone else, if you're not good to yourself.
EE.net:
Stacée, thank you for taking the time to share your
insights with our site visitors. In closing, what is
the best advice you have for people seeking to find
their mate online?
Hardiman:
Fairy
tales have become a part of our image of what romance is
supposed to be like. This image not only deceives
women, but also men. On one hand, everyone knows that
fairy-tale romances are make-believe. On the other
hand, fairy tales inspire us to believe in happy love
stories. For this fact alone, they have given us
something we need for building our own love affair:
Hope. Many people have lost hope, and it's time to get
it back.
Matingcallers.com is
providing FREE memberships. What better time to give
the world of online dating a try? Go ahead, take a
chance, and remember,
“The appeal is being real.”
Click here to visit Mating
Callers.com now!
Better
Decision-Making Needed, Not Blame
Brothers and Sisters, we all know that the dating game has
turned into one big mess for us. Either there's someone
cheating on their lover/spouse, an issue of sexually
transmitted diseases, abuse, abandonment, etc. And when it's
you on the receiving end of those negativities, the first
thing you want to do is rant and rave. I won't discount the
fact that you may, indeed, be the victim of someone else's
poor decisions. But in addition to that, you may have made
poor decisions that have led you into the predicament that you
have suffered. Don't get me wrong, because I'm not being
judgmental or preachy. But let's be honest with ourselves.
Sisters, you may want to start thinking about what it is that
truly matters to you in a long-run type of perspective. The
superficial, materialistic, and popular expectations of men
that you may have are going to possibly lead you right into an
emotionally perilous situation that may be perilous for you in
other ways as well, financially, health-wise, etc. Black
people do not currently have an intrinsic level of success
that we have established or achieve as of yet. So it's rather
impractical and unreasonable to expect high materialistic
standards of men, especially when you're not doing that great
yourself. The point of finding a relationship that makes its
way to commitment is to not only find a man that you can love,
but one you can work with as a partner in the aspects of life
that are most important, like parenting, sustaining a home.
And the determination of whether a relationship is good for
you or not should not be based on some self-gratification
principles, either.
It's also unreasonable to rush into a full-blown commitment
(yes, I said it). The two-year marriage path is a ridiculous
one, because you can't possibly know someone enough to entrust
your life, heart, and spirit to them in two years. You need
to know exactly what you're getting into when you think about
a commitment. There are sisters out there that get cheated
on, abused, used, and even raped by those they love, because
they didn't take the time to get to know their men. If you’re
spending more time being beautiful than being real with
yourself and with others, you are walking yourself into a
situation where a man looks at your beauty more than the inner
self you have. And we're all human, so I'm not going to
disrespect you for those times you may just want a one-night
stand. But you should be careful enough to know what you're
getting into. The saying or idea that there are no good men
left is a false one. It takes two to make or break a
relationship. If the two involved in a relationship really
care about themselves, and each other, it would seem to me as
though they would want to know their partner so they can find
a way to become life partners as comfortably as possible.
Brothers, we may want to stop listening to what society says
and look deep inside ourselves for the answer. The
Wife-material sister that you're looking for is one who is
always real with you, one that is emotionally supportive, and
one that you can be partners with when it comes to handling
what is really important. And honestly, for many of us, the
ideal woman for us is not going to be that supermodel
look-alike. We are a truly misunderstood breed of men, but if
we are not opening up to our women, we will only become more
misunderstood, blamed more when bad things happen, and further
demonized than we already are. And getting to the point where
we need to be with our sisters requires that both they and we
be honest with each other, about everything. You don't need
to be dishonest with your women any more than you need a woman
that is dishonest. Dishonesty is the main breeder of drama;
dramas like infidelity, diseases, neglect, and most of the
emotionally devastating things we endure because of failed
relationships. No gender holds the title of causing the most
drama, but consider this. We deal with drama from society,
politics, law enforcement, the judicial system, the press, and
from the health industry. Why do we need any extra stress
from our women?
We need sisters who are in tune with who we are and where we
are trying to be. There are sometimes where we have to drop
our pride and let our women lead. We don't know everything
about life, our path, or ourselves and sometimes, a woman's
counsel or leadership in certain matters can only bode
positive for us. Not allowing a woman to be your equal could
cause you to miss out on good things. Teamwork is only
achieved through the continual showing of mutual respect and
trustworthiness. Just because men and women are on two
totally different spiritual frequencies, it does not mean that
we cannot be complementariness of one another.
I see a lot of one-sided blaming and have been the object of a
lot of one-sided blaming. And as a man, I'm sick of seeing it
and being the object of it. It is ruining our sense of
unity. The loss of that connection we find in relationships
hurt enough, but that pain shouldn't be used to poison
ourselves, our friends, our community, and especially not our
children. And truthfully, if we didn't take the time to know
about those we love, and make every possible effort to unite
with those we love; I think that there is a vast possibility
that we have levels of responsibility concerning the causing
of the breakup, the same as the ones who hurt us.
James Tucker
Editor/Webmaster, The Brothers' Perspective
